101-ish Ways To 'Use Your Thumb'

1. Well, to take out library books in Primary School, obviously ;-)

2. Draw a face on it and use it to practice your public speaking

3. Play tiddlywinks with it. If it wins, you should seek psychiatric help

4. Perpetual afterschool snack

5. A fish tank ornament

6. An unusual gift for the person who has everything

7. Keychains for the deranged

8. Bludgeon for warding off small attackers

9. Invite your friends round for a barbecue - no need to bring sausages

10. Pocket warmer

11. Use it to get backstage at concerts

12. A headrest for teddy bears

13. Opener for those stubborn pop-tops and cans

14. A conversation piece on your coffee table (Impress dates!)

15. Use as a block to keep your car from sliding downhill

16. A bristleless paintbrush, for special fx (oil-based only, please)

17. Leave it in the jacuzzi of an expensive hotel

18. Plugging breaches in dams

19. Give it to your dog as a chew toy

20. A nifty free prize to put in Christmas Crackers

21. The McDigit sandwich (Chomp)

22. An exercise weight. Seek medical advice if this makes you out of breath

23. An imitation moustache for the short-sighted

24. Play chess with it. Don't feel bad if it wins, chess is difficult

25. A spectacle holder

26. A bed for your pet ant

27. A use-it-anywhere coathook

28. Something to put in the envelope along with the ransom demand

29. Impromptu earrings for the unimaginative

30. Emergency treatment for diarrhoea

31. Earplugs

32. Organic doorstop (pleases hippies)

33. Slice and use as counters in board games

34. Way to get yourself noticed in Italy

35. Toy for boring children

36. A bumper on a narrowboat

37. Flatten and make into a bookmark

38. Draw lips on it and use it to practice kissing

39. A shoe tree

40. Nature's toilet bowl brush

41. Piranha snack

42. Microwave and use as firestarter

43. Applicator for decorating filler

44. Fart preventer

45. A Christmas ornament

46. A martyr for popular revolt among the pixies

47. Fill with butane and use as a trendy lighter

48. A cushion for see-saws (prevents 'Playground Groin')

49. An original place to hide your drugs (you'll need a magician's false thumb as well)

50. The world's smallest blackboard eraser

51. Extra small pipe cleaner

52. Surfboard wax applicator

53. Archery practice (both for releasing the bowstring and as target, preferably in that order)

54. Fill with cement and swing it at an attacker for self defence

55. A cat toy

56. Put in the mailbox of unliked neighbours (fits through slots easily but may be hard to retrieve)

57. A maintenance-free pet

58. Fertilizer

59. Makeup case

60. Keep it on your desk for wrist support while using your mouse

61. Rig it for radio control, and cruise it around the house

62. Hang from a branch as a bird feeder

63. A mini crowbar (applicable only if rigor mortis has set in)

64. A tv remote control

65. Shred and spread over a piping-hot pizza

66. Use nail as guitar pick

67. String several together as a necklace

68. Slice thinly and deep-fry for a tasty snack that won't ruin your appetite

69. Fill with ink and make into a fountain pen

70. Set it on fire and throw it out of a tenth story window. Scream "METEOR"

71. Wear several suspended on strings around rim of hat to keep flies away

72. Jewellry polisher

73. Use for texting all your friends

74. Eyebrow replacements for the imaginative

75. Flatten one end and use as a miniature flyswatter

76. Do physics experiments with it. Does it roll or slide?

77. Leave it on top of the watercooler at the office

78. Dolls house furniture

79. Send it as a valentine

80. Reusable toothbrush

81. Emergency treatment for haemorrhoids

82. Send to George W Bush as a peace offering

83. Glue it to the wall as modern art

84. Shred one end and use as a duster (gets a bit ragged after a while)

85. Play catch with it

86. Centerpiece for formal dinners

87. Make it the star of a Saturday-morning kids show (market the cereal too)

88. A s*x toy for the truly warped

89. Christmas stocking filler for annoying children

90. The new spiritual leader of an Eastern religion for the vertically challenged

91. A pencil case for the Man Who Has Everything

92. A bookend

93. Flatten, freeze, and use as a coaster

94. A candle

95. a toy rolling pin

96. Dip in gasoline and use as a Molotov cocktail at a lemming rally

97. An executive stress toy

98. Prophylactic for the ultra-careful

99. Ask a magazine to write it's life story

100. Form a rap group called MC Thumb, and have it lip-sync

101. Back massager

102. Twist, fry, and tell everyone it's a pretzel

103. Beer can opener

104. Jumper cable terminal

105. Fill with "creme" and give mini Easter Egg manufacturers some competition

106. Pogo stick for midgets

107. Smurf-holder

108. A lobster buoy

109. Paint it glossy maroon/brown, leave it on a table and tell people it's your appendix

110. To plug the drain when bathing

111. Massage your feet with it

112. A shower loofah

113. Elect it prime minister. Certainly couldn't be any worse

114. Fire it from a potato gun

115. Use to apply chalk to a snooker cue tip

(My wife and I did come up with number 116 last night, but as this is a family site we decided to let matters rest at this point!)

All further suggestions welcome, however...

Coming soon... 101 things to do instead of watching Big Brother

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